Now What Do I Do?
Moving in general is already very stressful and chaotic. Moving to a different country is an even bigger hurdle. For most people, moving to the U.S. is a choice they made because they decided it would be what gives them and their family the best chances. However, once here the differences in language, laws, expectations, culture, and services can be very jarring and overwhelming.
What many don’t realize is that to move here you have to have an address for the application. Many families must make the decision to stay in a very small apartment until they are able to get something better. For 5 years my family lived in a one-bedroom apartment until my parents were able to afford something bigger after working very hard. Others are lucky to have family already here that are willing to let them stay until they can find something. Once here families and individuals must go through more hurdles to actually start living comfortably.
I’ve known many people who had good careers in their own country but could not continue them here because of the language barrier. It’s an easy thing to say, “well just learn”, but it’s not as though you’re given a packet of all the services around you and how to contact them. In fact, most people won’t know the services or rights they have until something happens. Even when you do find out what services are nearby, and you have access to most simply don’t have the time to go to school and work and care for children. My family was very lucky in that we were able to manage while my mother worked hard to get her GED and go to English classes. Not everyone is that fortunate, however.
Parents also have the additional struggle of navigating the school system. Language barriers can be a big issue for parents trying to understand how their children are doing. Complications increase when discussing services and help the school has to offer. People have lived here their whole lives who don’t know what a 504 or IEP is because…they never needed to. This isn’t information that is taught to us we don’t know that there even are options or what these options look like.
So how does therapy help? It can be very beneficial to have someone to talk to that can help you process these struggles and help you find some balance. Therapy can also be a way to help you navigate a new life and culture.
¿Ahora que hago?
Mudarse en general ya es muy estresante y caótico. Mudarse a un país diferente es un obstáculo aún mayor. Para la mayoría de las personas, mudarse a los EE. UU. es una decisión que hicieron porque decidieron que sería lo que les daría a ellos y a su familia las mejores oportunidades. Sin embargo, una vez aquí, las diferencias de idioma, leyes, expectativas, cultura y servicios pueden ser muy discordantes y abrumadoras.
Lo que muchos no se dan cuenta es que para mudarse aquí tienes que tener una dirección para la solicitud. Muchas familias deben tomar la decisión de quedarse en un apartamento muy pequeño hasta que puedan conseguir algo mejor. Durante 5 años mi familia vivió en un apartamento de una habitación hasta que mis padres pudieron pagar algo más grande después de trabajar muy duro. Otros tienen la suerte de tener familia aquí que están dispuestos a dejarlos quedarse hasta que puedan encontrar algo. Una vez aquí, las familias y las personas deben superar más obstáculos para comenzar a vivir cómodamente.
He conocido a muchas personas que tuvieron buenas carreras en su propio país pero no pudieron continuarlas aquí debido a la barrera del idioma. Es fácil decir, "bueno, solo aprende", pero no es como si te dieran un paquete de todos los servicios a tu alrededor y cómo contactarlos. De hecho, la mayoría de las personas no sabrán los servicios o derechos que tienen hasta que suceda algo. Incluso cuando averigua qué servicios hay cerca y tiene acceso a la mayoría, simplemente no tiene tiempo para ir a la escuela, trabajar y cuidar a los niños. Mi familia tuvo mucha suerte porque pudimos arreglárnoslas mientras mi madre trabajaba duro para obtener su GED e ir a clases de inglés. Sin embargo, no todos son tan afortunados.
Los padres también tienen la lucha adicional de navegar por el sistema escolar. Las barreras del idioma pueden ser un gran problema para los padres que intentan entender cómo les va a sus hijos. Las complicaciones aumentan cuando se habla de los servicios y la ayuda que ofrece la escuela. Las personas han vivido aquí toda su vida que no saben qué es un 504 o un IEP porque... nunca lo necesitaron. Esta no es información que nos enseñan, ni siquiera sabemos si hay opciones o cómo son estas opciones.
Entonces, ¿cómo ayuda la terapia? Puede ser muy beneficioso tener a alguien con quien hablar que pueda ayudarlo a procesar estas luchas y ayudarlo a encontrar un equilibrio. La terapia también puede ser una forma de ayudarlo a navegar una nueva vida y cultura.
Written by Lucia Rodriguez, LPC-A
5 Things This Sex Therapist wished People Knew about Sex Therapy
There are a lot of things that people do not know about sex therapy. There are also a lot of misconceptions about sex therapy and what exactly sex therapy consists of. With that in mind, here are a few things I wished people knew about sex therapy.
1. Sex Therapy is for Couples/People in Relationships:
You don’t need to be a relationship or partnership to attend sex therapy. Sex therapy may be helpful for people who are not in relationships or partnerships. Sex therapy is not only for people in relationships or partnerships. Individuals can and do seek sex therapy to work on their own individual concerns.
2. Sex Therapy is only for Adults:
While adults may seek sex therapy, children and/or adolescents may sometimes come to sex therapy. Children and/or adolescents often come to sex therapy to learn skills to help them explore their sexual or gender identity (being Trans and/or Queer), problem sexual behaviors (PSB) or out-of-control sexual behaviors (OOC), experiences with sexual trauma or sexual abuse, puberty related concerns among other issues.
3. Sex Therapists touch their Clients:
A sex therapist is not allowed to touch their clients. If you are looking for someone who can provide hands-on work, then you may want to see a Sexual Surrogate, a Somatic Body worker, or Sex Coach.
4. Sex Therapy takes Years:
Some people may do sex therapy for a long period of time, some people are only in sex therapy for a few sessions. The length of time you’re in sex therapy depends on your goals and your individual treatment plan. Talk to your sex therapist about your treatment if you’re concerned about how long it is taking. Your sex therapist should be able to provide you some information about how much longer you will be in therapy.
5. Sex Therapy is only done in Session:
A lot of the progress made in sex therapy is made outside of the session. The Sex Therapist may assign homework to complete between session to help you achieve your sex therapy goals. It is important that you complete your homework as assigned, if there is ever any difficulty with your homework, then feel free to discuss with your therapist.
Jasmine M. McLean, LCSW, M.Ed.
Living Between Cultures
Living Between Cultures
Language
This is, perhaps, one of the most common struggles for second generations. We are living in a country that predominately uses English in public but at home that is not our language. Having more than one language is a definite advantage when it comes to job seeking (bilingual workers are becoming higher in demand to meet population needs) but it also is a constant struggle to explain why I can’t remember how to say simple words in English (this is usually when charades becomes a handy skill). When we’re younger this struggle is even more pronounced.
All children struggle with pronunciation and have a habit of creating new words to make up for a more limited vocabulary. This is even more evident when you do this with more than one language. To this day my parents’ favorite story is when I slowly drove my Father crazy asking for my “biketa”. Bicycle. I just wanted him to take my bicycle out of the trunk so I can ride it. My Mom still laughs at the fact that my Dad had been going crazy until he actually thought to call her and ask what I wanted.
Another common struggle is learning where to use what language. It seems like an obvious answer right? You speak English when you talk to someone who speaks English and vice versa for other languages. Well, what’s obvious when you’re too little to apply these concepts to yourself is that you speak Spanish/Portuguese/etc. when you’re home and English when you’re not. Young children tend to be more self-centered (not in a negative way but just how we all start to see the world before we expand to those around us). Which isn’t in itself a problem until you apply this rule on vacation where everyone speaks Spanish. Point is everyone talks about the advantages (and there are many) but unless you grew up with it few recognizes the struggles.
Expectations
Balancing expectations from two very different cultures can be very challenging. American culture tends to be very independent and individual oriented while most Hispanic/Latino cultures are very family oriented. We are expected to care for the family as a whole and put the family needs above individual needs.
One common struggle starts in high school where most teenagers begin to get part time jobs. For Hispanic/Latino families working in high school is often a necessity rather than the learning experience that American culture emphasizes (obviously this is not true for every single family but in general the difference hold). Other times, the idea of working when you’re in high school is deemed “unnecessary” because the whole point of our parents working as hard as they have is so that we don’t have to do the same. I remember the first time I mentioned wanting to start working (mostly because all my friends were and it felt like what I was “supposed” to do) my Mother didn’t mind one way or another (didn’t feel it was necessary but wouldn’t discourage me either) but my Dad immediately responded with a “why? She doesn’t need to work I make enough” and was very adamant that I should be focusing on what was important which was my education.
Another life event that tends to be a source of conflict is moving out. American culture we are expected to be working towards being more independent and moving out. Most people end up living on their own either when they start college or finish. My family (and a lot of Hispanic/Latino families) expect you to stay because why wouldn’t you? My parents thought it was crazy of me to discuss living on my own when I wasn’t even legally allowed to drink. My cousin stayed with her parents until she was 30 and was able to comfortably live by herself with a stable job. There are of course advantages to this in the sense that we have more time to be able to support ourselves and have a stable income. The expectation is that we then contribute what we can to support our family and specifically our parents, as they get older. This doesn’t always make sense to our peers who have a completely different expectation and experience. Although, if any “friend” gives you a hard time because of this and aren’t simply curious about the differences, then they may not be a good friend to have.
How Does This Play Into Therapy?
First, I would like to make clear that it is perfectly acceptable and reasonable for you to want a therapist who shares similar culture/language/race/background and it is absolutely fine to ask you’re therapist about their experience with your culture. It is not a HIPPA violation to discuss how comfortable your therapist is with your culture and how much experience they have with it (obviously without sharing specific client experiences but keeping towards a more generalized understanding). Not many people want to have to teach their therapist about every single nuance of their culture/race and that’s perfectly understandable.
Sometimes the conflicts we have with acculturation and adapting to two different cultures can impact our self-esteem, cause family conflicts, or cause other issues such as anxiety. Being able to talk with someone who has the cultural competency to understand you are trying to appease both cultures and can help you problem solve may be the first steps to finding a healthy balance and peace. Not every struggle requires therapy of course, but if you’re unsure if you could benefit from therapy you could always ask for a consultation and discuss what the benefits would be and what you are trying to accomplish.
Vivir Entre Culturas
Idioma
Esta es, tal vez, una de las luchas mas comunes par alas segundas generaciones. Vivimos en un país que usa predominantemente el ingles en publico, pero en casa ese no es nuestro idioma. Tener mas de un idioma es una ventaja definitiva cuando se trata de buscar trabajo (los trabajadores bilingües están cada vez mas demandados para satisfacer las necesidades de la población), pero también es una lucha constante explicar por que no puedo recordar como decir palabras simples en ingles (esto suele ser cuando las charlas se convierten en una habilidad útil). Cuando somos mas jóvenes, esta lucha es aun mas pronunciada.
Todos los niños luchan con la pronunciación y tienen el habito de crear nuevas palabras para compensar un vocabulario mas limitado. Esto es aun mas evidente cuando lo haces con mas de un idioma. Hasta el dia de hoy, la historia favorita de mis padres es cuando volvi loco a mi padre pidiendo mi “biketa”. Bicicleta. Solo quería que sacara mi bicicleta del maletero para poder montarla. Mi madre todavía se rie del hecho de que mi padre se había vuelto loco hasta que pensó en llamarla a mi madre y preguntarle que quería.
Otra lucha común es aprender donde usar que idioma. Parece una respuesta obvia, ¿verdad? Hablas ingles cuando hablas con alguien que habla ingles y viceversa para otros idiomas. Bueno, lo que es obvio cuando eres demasiado pequeño para aplicar estos conceptos a ti mismo es que hablas español/portugués/etc. cuando estas en casa e ingles cuando no lo estas. Los niños pequeños tienden a ser mas egocéntricos (no de una manera negativa, sino de cómo todos empezamos a ver el mundo antes de expandirnos a los que nos rodean). Lo cual no es en si mismo un problema hasta que apliques esta regla en vacaciones, done todo el mundo habla español. El punto es que todo el mundo habla de la ventajas (y hay muchas), pero a menos que creciste con ella, pocos reconocen las luchas.
Expectativas
Equilibrar las expectativas de dos culturas muy diferentes puede ser muy difícil. La cultura estadounidense tiende a ser mu independiente y orientad a los individuos, mientras que la mayoría de las culturas hispanas/latinas están muy orientadas a la familia. Se espera que cuidemos a la familia en su conjunto y pongamos las necesidades familiares por encima de las necesidades individuales.
Una lucha común comienza en la escuela secundaria, donde la mayoría de los adolescentes comienzan a conseguir trabajos tiempo parcial. Para las familias hispanas/latinas, trabaja en la escuela secundaria es a menudo una necesidad mas que la experiencia de aprendizaje que enfatiza la cultura estadounidense (obviamente esto no es cierto para todas las familias, pero en general la diferencia se mantiene). Otras veces, la idea de trabajar cuando estas en la escuela secundaria se considera “innecesario” porque el objetivo de que nuestros padres trabajen tan duro como ellos es que no tengamos que hacer lo mismo. Recuerdo la primera vez que mencione que quería empezar a trabajar (sobre todo porque todos mis amigos lo estaban y sentía como lo que se “supuse” que debía hacer) a mi madre no le importaba de una manera u otra (no sentía que fuera necesario, pero tampoco me desanimaba), pero mi padre respondió inmediatamente con un “ ¿porque? Ella no necesita trabajar, yo gano lo suficiente” y fue muy inflexible en que debería centrarme en lo que era importante, que era mi educación.
Otro evento de la vida que tiende a ser una fuente de conflicto es mudarse. Cultura estadounidense, se espera que trabajemos para ser mas independientes y mudarnos. La mayoría de la gente termina viviendo sola cuando comienza la universidad o termina. La familia (y muchas familias hispanas/latinas) esperan que te quedes porque ¿por qué lo no lo harías? Mis padres pensaron que era una locura de mi parte hablar de vivir por mi cuenta cuando todavía ni siquiera se me permitía beber legalmente. Mi prima se quedo con sus padres hasta los 30 anos y fue capaz de vivir cómodamente sola con un trabajo estable. Por supuesto, esto tiene ventajas en el sentido de que tenemos mas tiempo para poder mantenernos y tener un ingreso estable. La expectativa es que luego contribuyamos con lo que podamos para mantener a nuestra familia y específicamente a nuestros padres, a medida que crecen. Esto no siempre tiene sentido para nuestros compañeros que tienen una expectativa y experiencia completamente diferentes, entonces puede que no sea un buen amigo.
¿ Como Juega Esto En La Terapia?
En primer lugar, me gustaría dejar claro que es perfectamente aceptable y razonable que quieras un terapeuta que comparta una cultura/idioma/raza/fondo similar y esta absolutamente bien preguntarle a su terapeuta sobre su experiencia con su cultura. No es una violación de la HIPPA discutir lo cómodo que esta su terapeuta con su cultura y cuenta experiencia tiene con ella (obviamente sin compartir experiencias especificas de los clientes, pero manteniendo un entendimiento mas generalizado). No mucha gente quiere tener que ensenar a su terapeuta sobre cada matiz de su cultura/raza y eso es perfectamente comprensible.
A veces, los conflictos que tenemos con la aculturación y la adaptación a dos culturas diferentes pueden afectar autoestima, causar conflictos familiares o causar otros problemas como la ansiedad. Ser capaz de hablar con alguien que tiene la competencia cultural para entender que tiene la competencia cultural para entender que esta tratando de apaciguar ambas culturas y puede ayudarle a resolver problemas puede ser los primeros pasos para encontrar un equilibrio saludable y una paz. No todas las luchas requieren terapia, por supuesto, pero si no estas seguro de si podría beneficiarse de la terapia, siempre puede pedir una consulta y discutir cuales serian los beneficios y lo que estas tratando de lograr.
-Lucia Rodriguez LPC-A
Sex Therapy? What is that?
What is Sex Therapy? Who is Considered a Sex Therapist?
Hearing the words “sex” and “therapy” together might bring up some negative views of what that means. It doesn’t help that the media has given some negative ideas of what a sex therapist is and what sex therapy consists of. Many of the sex therapists in media are seen acting in unethical or unmoral practices. In the most basic terms, sex therapy is a specific form of talk therapy that is focused on sexuality related concerns. Sexuality related concerns can include infertility, sexual pain, pleasure-related concerns, couples and/or relationship counseling, gender identity as well as sexual identity among many other concerns.
Sex therapy may be facilitated by a sex therapist. Many sex therapists are trained mental health professionals who have received advanced training in sexuality related concerns. Most sex therapists are certified by the national accreditation board for sex therapists (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists aka AASECT). By being certified and having additional or advanced training in sexuality related concerns, the therapist has additional therapeutic techniques that can help with the concerns that brought you in for sex therapy.
While you do not need to see an AASECT certified sex therapist for your sexuality concern. It may be beneficial as an AASECT certified sex therapist may be more equipped and have more experience working with your specific concern. One thing to remember when looking for a Sex Therapist is that a Sex Therapist is not allowed to touch their client. If you are looking for someone to provide more hands-on work, then you may want to consider seeing a Sex Coach, Sexual Surrogate or Somatic Bodyworker instead of a Sex Therapist.
What Does a Typical Sex Therapy Session Look Like?
As every person is different and every sex therapist has a different style or approach, every sex therapy session will not look the same. Sex therapy will typically start with an intake appointment in which your sex therapist will spend some time getting to know you. During this appointment your sex therapist may ask questions about your sexual experiences, gender or sexual identity, any other mental health history you may have. Your sex therapist may ask a lot of questions during this appointment. This may make you a little nervous and you may be feeling a bit uncomfortable thinking about this first appointment. That makes total sense! One thing to remember is it is ok to let the therapist know you are nervous. The right therapist for you will be understanding and work with you to make you feel comfortable.
Sessions after your intake will consist of you and your therapist working on developing a treatment plan which will outline the ways you both will work together on your sexuality related concerns. For some, sex therapy will be brief and may only last several sessions. For others, sex therapy may last several months or even years. If you feel like the therapy is taking too long or is too short then feel free to reach out to your therapist to discuss it. Remember, one of the most important factors in making sure therapy is successful is working with a therapist you feel comfortable talking too,
How Does One Find a Sex Therapist?
One of the best ways to find a sex therapist is through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) website (https://www.aasect.org). All AASECT certified sex therapists have their contact information on the website. You can also find a Sex Therapist through the internet. Once you find a sex therapist you think might be a good fit, it is helpful to ask if the therapist provides a free consult. The consult should give you a chance to meet the therapist and determine if you think you will feel comfortable with the person. You can also briefly discuss with the therapist what you want therapy for. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist about their training and if they have any experience working with people who have similar concerns that you are currently experiencing to make sure they’re a good fit for you. Overall, you want to make sure whoever you pick to work with, is someone you feel comfortable working with.
If you think you want to see a sex therapist, then New Streams, LLC may have a provider who is a fit for you. Reach out for a consultation to see if any of the sex therapists at New Streams, LLC would be a good fit for you!
Jasmine M. McLean, LCSW, M.Ed.